Missing A Big Part of Me
Venue: At my room
7A Jar vie Street, Brunswick East
VIC-3057, Melbourne, AUS
Date: 27^th May, 2004

Day goes without whispering to you that it is passing by just like a flick, night vanishes making you feel like it happened within a second, weeks and months all goes on with a glimpse of unforgettable memories within us. It has been already six months that I have arrived Australia for my further studies. And every single night has not ended without a dream of my lovely ones back in Nepal, my home country. Whenever, I dream I always feel like I am with them. Moreover, I can feel the warmth of their tenderness. Sometimes back I used to ask myself about it, Why I feel longing? As a result, now I knew the tenderness and the love they have towards me is the only answer to that question. Otherwise, what would be the reason that makes me feel unfilled and alone every time?

 Nothing in here can create a feeling of being a part of me. Even the bright sun seems too hot for me. Moon seems stone cold. Clouds are dark, always trying to thunder me scared. And birds don’t sing for me here. Not a tiny thing here makes me feel homely and warm. All these days and dull nights make me feel more apart to this instant. Nonetheless, this enemy of my feelings cannot create a single hindrance on my way, I am on my track towards my goal, I guess. And this is a thing which makes me awake here to do a better for each and every day with a positive perspective even though the longing ness is acting as a state of my mind for every second. However, I sometimes feel that this will sustain for the days to come with its intensity, the blessings and love I have got from my lovely ones have induced a mutual strength to fight all these feelings to overcome the possible futile days.

 All the way from my room to my university and the way back down to my room is my daily routine. Wake up in the morning, take a bath have some tea and breakfast and rush to catch the trams number 1 or 22 and attend whole day in the university doing something interesting experiments, in the fields of “Optical Fiber Communication”. Everyday I mix in the crowd with some feeling along and step forward to achieve a goal to make myself and all piece of me, happy and delighted. This is same for all the five days in a week, i.e. from Monday to Friday. However, sometimes I want to go to the university even in weekends. After I have my dinner and having a bit of relax after watching some programs in television I feel happy to go to the same bed. I can see dreams, dreams of my big part. Dream to medicate the weighty feelings that have accumulated throughout the day. It makes me feel that I am showering in the love of my father and mother.

 Those times and days that I had spent back in Nepal, I don’t want to forget. Really Not! The year of 2003, I can say that I had a life which has changed the pace of it and brought those tides within me, which induces a feeling of being loved is not a trivial thing in world. However, usually when I started my college life in Katmandu, capital city of my home country, the time of being physically apart from my parents has already started. But once I got a time to stay with my parents when I got a job in my hometown after I graduated. Total 7 years, roughly being apart.  Seven or eight months before I take off to this land I used to be a lecturer in a college in my home town. I cannot forget that. As a matter of fact, I think I don’t want to forget that, never and ever. After that job I went with Nepal telecommunication (NTC), a national telecom service provider of Nepal for another rest of the months till the month of September of the year of 2003. It was the month when I left Nepal for my further studies. Again then I was departed.

 And it is still going on, hoping to be with them again and will be. I feel like, I am really missing a big part me – my father/mother, lovely sisters, my entire relative who deserves to be mine. I wish you all would be here, here with me