It’s already mid-night
and there is no sign of sleep coming to my eyes. I toss
and turn. I cannot sleep. I don’t know why I am
being so restless. I got up and look at my bed clock,
its half past one. I drank the water from the bottle near
my bed. It could not calm down my nerve. I got up from
my bed and went to the window. Moon was signing beautifully.
Cool breeze of air shrift away giving a feather kiss in
my face. It felt so good. I know sleep is out of question
tonight. Every time I close my eyes, today’s event
comes in front of me validly.
Yesterday evening, I got an unexpected call from Aadi.
I was shocked. It was first time he had called me since
five year. He asked me to meet him and I agreed readily
as I wanted to see how my old pal was.
He looked calm and cool
as he used to be. Nothing had changed in him except he
look quit grown up. We decided to go to Kapan as it was
a perfect place to hangout and to catch up all the remembrance
We talked about everything
but nothing was said. I found out he was now a successful
person and quit well known among all IT expert. I was
very glad for him. Then unexpectedly he took my hands
on his and looked into my eyes. I was paralyzed with shock.
Then he told me things which were hampering me since he
had called me yesterday.
“Aashu, I still
love you. I tried to forget you and start a new life with
someone else but it did not work out. No one can take
your place in my heart. I don’t want you to love
me but I want you to know that I will always be waiting
for you. There will never be anyone in my life except
you.” There was a long silence. He dropped my hand,
when I did not say anything. He was staring far beyond
the sky. I could see the pain in his eyes. I wanted to
ease his pain but I could do nothing.
“Aashu, I know
you have never taken me as your love. But what do I do.
Please answer me! I have tried to hate you in these past
five years but I can’t. I love you, I love you,
I love you.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came. What could I say?
I was taken aback when I learnt that he knew everything
that had happened to me in these past five years. He left
without turning back, leaving me standing there dumfolded.
I went to my bed. He
still loves me! He had started to love me since we were
in class five. Now it’s been ten years. Ten long
years! And he still love me the same. But what has happened
to me. I had not accepted his proposal ten years back
also and now also I don’t know what to do. Have
I become so heart less and selfish because someone whom
I thought I had loved had rejected me? Am, I so stone
I again went to the window
and look towards the moon which was signing upon me. Won’t
I ever be able to trust and love anyone? I know from bottom
of my heart that Aadi loves me. But I am unable to accept
I know what it felt like
to be rejected. I have myself faced the cruel fact of
rejection. I was devastated when my first love had crushed
me. I don’t know how long it had taken me to regain
myself and start a normal life. I don’t want to
remember that moment. I had almost forgotten it and had
started a new life. But, today’s event has brought
the past pain alive. He had laugh at me in front of everyone
when I had expressed my feeling to him. That laughter
still rings in my ears.
After facing all those
humiliation how can I trust any guy and start my life
with him. Aadi will never hurt me, my mind want to accept
his proposal but my heart don’t want to go with
my mind. I have never thought Aadi as my life partner
than also and it is still difficult for me to accept it.
I want him to start a
new life but it is out of question. I can’t help
it. Even if I accept his proposal we both will be helpless
and miserable. I have heard someone saying “Go to
that person who loves you, not to the person whom you
love”. But is it true in real life situation? If
I accept his proposal will we both be happy? I want some
one to answer my question. I waited but except whistle
of wind I hear nothing. My empty room is just staring
at me. Tears rolled from my eyes. I don’t know when
I felt asleep still tears rolling from my eyes….
winona, mn, usa