Deep inside

Don’t know what's happening, Sadness surrounds me from all direction. Happiness seems just like a dream. When I Laugh, I feel Sadness creeping inside, and fell for it. Can't stop thinking about you. How can you and Sadness be so related. When I think of you, am sad and when I am not thinking about you, am again sad. Feels like I am felling more for you. I can't stop looking at things, cause everything reminds me of you.

Dream don’t come, Nightmare are ones that I see. Dark clouds surround my head, don’t know what to do and what to think. Its been long time since we had a nice Conversation. Always think about those times we had. Can't forget single things we talked about. Those things make me Cry and Laugh. But Laugh doesn't last long. Cause, it makes me think about you more, I feel the whole world has just disappear and am the one standing alone. I can't see any one to talk to or see anyone to share my feelings. I don’t want anybody. I don’t need anybody. I am getting angry with myself. Fear is over my head. I can't think of anything. Really don’t want to know what is Good or Bad for me. Good and Bad has no different meaning for me now. Just want to do what makes me feel happy and I know it gonna hurt you more. But still I can't stop doing what I am doing to myself. Someday I am gonna break down and cry and no one can make me stand again in my feet.

Am really a crazy person. Don’t have any brain to think and heart so soft inside. Can't think about my own gain, how the hell can I think about yours. Feelings never matters to me but you really do. If I say the words, does it really matters to you. Here the main question is, does it make me happy. Nope, it wouldn’t make me. Cause my Happiness is nothing for me. All it matters to me is you.

I don’t know what you think about me and I don’t care what you think about me. All I want to know what you wish me to be? I know its hard to change myself cause I love what I am and what I do, but am gonna do my best for you.

I have never seen love in your eyes, only feels like Friendship is growing more and more. Don’t want to lose Friendship for sake of Love. Don’t only want Love to grow. Friendship has been great for me. I can't thank you for those things you have done. Am gonna be always Happy to find that you are standing beside me as a Friend more than as my Loved one and trying hard to dig me out of black holes

Don't know why am so afraid. It feels like something creeping inside don't know what. I am not afraid what will be your reply. I am not afraid that I will loose you. Those don't really bug me. I know what will be coming out of your mind, and what you think of me; I am Surprised to know myself.

I know you know me more than I know you. Don't know anything about you at all; just have picture of you in my mind. I don't know myself how the hell, can I know you deep inside. Want to know about you deep inside and see what you have for me.

Words didn't come out of my soul when it was time to show you how much I care. Only spoke simple words. If I can go back to the time and correct my mistakes that would have made the difference. But those times are gone. I can't explain what the hell is wrong with me. I was free at that time, known all my feelings, now I am lost in the words. Don’t know what to say. Don't know what is going on.

But today my mind has just open wide and those are the things in my mind
I want to touch you deep inside.
Want to live in your soul n heart
Want to be happy every time. Want dreams
Want to know thing to do want to laugh
Want to share my feeling
Want to know differences between bad n good
Want to know your feeling n want to know everything about you
Want love in your eyes and friendship that last long Want to you to talk
Want words to flow out of my heart
Want to say,
" I love you"

By :- Gaurav Shrestha.
e-mail :- gaurav95@hotmail.com

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