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Wedding dress

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question.

"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this show the town that your bridge is pure."

The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

 

Happy couple

A couple at their 60th anniversary was asked the secret of their marriage. Husband: When V were married V agreed. I would make all the major decision and my wife the minor ones; & in 60 years of marriage V have never needed 2 make a major decision.

  

A way to save marriage

A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just little pebble on a vast beach.

The marriage councelor, trying to be creative, told him, "if you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."

  

mother of my children

Banta fell in love with a college girl but did not know how to propose marriage to her. After much thinking he asked, "Sujata, would you like to be the mother of my children?"

Sujata replied, "Why not? How many have you?"

  

Hic ups

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day!

 

Breakfast

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lip stik on his collar.

"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o clock in the morning?"

"There is, " he replied, "Breakfast."

 

Getting into a fight

A married couple were not talking to each other because of a heated argument they had a few days earlier. Instead, they were communicating by writing notes.

One evening he gave her a paper where it said, "wake me up tomorrow morning at
6 am for I have to catch a flight."

The next morning when he woke up, he saw that the time was 9 o' clock.

Furious he turned to his wife, who handed him a note which said, "wake up, it's 6 o' clock
"

   

EX-hubby

In a recent interview in Newsweek magazine, actor Tom Arnold was asked, "Do you worry that you'll always be knows as Roseanne's ex-husband?"

He replied, "Yeah, I do. But it's sure better than being known as her current husband."

 

3 questions

Man goes to Layer for help.

Man: What is your least expensive fee?
Layer: $50 for three questions.

Man: That's pretty expensive, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes. So what's your third question?

  

Smart thinking

A certain Professor arrived late for a lecture to find a most uncomplimentary drawing of himself on the blackboard.

Fuming, he asked the class joker in the from row, "who, pray, was responsible for this atrocity?"

The joker won tremendous prestige with his reply, "I really don't know, but I strongly suspect its parents."

  

Drunk in the court

A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister," the judge began, "You've been brought here for drinking."

"Great," the drunk exclaimed. "When do we get started?"

  

Parking fine

Sky Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him, if he had anything to say in his defence.

"They should not put up such misleading notices," said Sky Singh.

"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

  

Late to school

Teacher: Where were you late?

Student: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.

Teacher: You mean you need to sleep at home too.

  

Wife and husband

Wife: Darling, you hate all my relatives.

Husband: "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I love your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

  

Bad lawyer

Question: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?

Answer: Senator.

 

An honest lawyer

Question: What do you call an honest layer?

Answer: An oxymoron.

 

Buried lawyer

Question: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?

Answer: Not enough sand.

 

A lawyer and a politician

 

Question: What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

Answer: Chelsea Clinton.

 

Single out

Q: What do the men in a singles bar have in common?
A: They're all married.