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Boyfriend 5.0 to husband 1.0
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed that the new program began making unexpected
changes to the accounting software; severely limiting
access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable
programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and
OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs
such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4
and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer
runs, and invariably crashes the system.
Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1
or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to
fix Husband 1.0, but this is all purpose utility is of
limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!
Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but
it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people
upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea
that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed
by its creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend
5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden
operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend
5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system, once installed. Any new program
files can only be installed once per year, as Husband
1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common,
and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time"
favorite applications, or to get new applications to work,
some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband
2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than
encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under
"Warnings: Divorce/Child Support".
You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and
comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep
Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange
and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest
you read the entire section regarding General Partnership
Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband
1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral
part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume
ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless
of root cause.
To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\
I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must
be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband
1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may
have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal operations. overuse can also cause
Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse
yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that
causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly
wave files that are very hard to delete.
Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take
the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature
it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend
5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance.
I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience
10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really
help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several
years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you
will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings
2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances,
install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application,
and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2
until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing
to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish
you the best of luck in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
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